When a marriage ends, the humans involved understand what’s happening even when it hurts. Cats don’t have that context. They just know their home changed, someone disappeared, and everything feels different. In Episode 139 of Diary of a Cat Mom, Dagmar tells the story of Ela, a huge orange Maine Coon who came into her care after his owners divorced and Ela stayed with the ex-husband.
She shares what his journey from anxious escape artist to calm, comforting companion taught her about the pets who get caught in the middle of a separation.
What is Diary of a Cat Mom?
Diary of a Cat Mom is a gentle, diary-style cat podcast about everyday life with cats, created especially for cat moms 35+ and pet parents in multi‑cat households who see their cats as family.
Quick Summary
Ela was one of three cats in a marriage that ended in divorce. His owner’s ex-wife could only take two cats with her, so Ela stayed behind with an ex-husband who wasn’t particularly fond of cats. Dagmar found him living on a porch in the Florida heat with a moldy water bowl, an almost-empty food dish, and badly matted fur. Ela was constantly anxious, bolting for open doors and running away for days at a time. After Dagmar took him in and gave him consistent care, brushing, food, water, safety, and supervised walks outside. Ela slowly transformed into one of the calmest cats in her home, eventually becoming a source of comfort for her other cats.
Watch This Episode
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Table of Contents
What You’ll Learn
- How a divorce can affect a cat’s environment, routines, and sense of safety
- The signs of neglect Ela showed when Dagmar first met him
- Why some cats respond to major life disruption with anxiety or flight behavior
- How patience, consistency, and safe outdoor time can help a traumatized cat settle in
- How a cat who needed healing himself became an emotional support cat for others
- Why it’s worth thinking about pets as part of the emotional picture during a separation
Takeaways
- Cats don’t get a vote. When couples separate, decisions about who takes the house, the belongings, and the pets are made entirely by the humans involved while the cat’s whole world shifts underneath them.
- Neglect can be subtle at first. A moldy water bowl and an empty food dish were the visible signs Dagmar noticed with Ela, but the emotional toll showed up as anxiety and repeated attempts to run away.
- Behavior often reflects environment. Dagmar is careful not to claim Ela’s anxiety was caused by the divorce specifically, but she does note that his life changed because of decisions the humans around him made.
- Consistency heals. Brushing, clean water, good food, a stable home, and the company of other cats gave Ela what he needed to stop running and start trusting again.
- Comfort can come full circle. The same cat who arrived in flight mode later became the one other kitties turned to for comfort, kneading his belly and settling in beside him.
Timestamps & Chapters (6:21)
- (00:00) Introduction: What happens to cats when people divorce?
- (00:28) Meet Ela, the Maine Coon left behind after a divorce
- (01:10) Life on the porch from a cat’s perspective
- (01:50) Ela’s anxiety: bolting for the door and running away
- (02:35) Bringing Ela home: brushing, food, water, and safety
- (03:15) Ela becomes emotional support for Dagmar’s other cats
- (04:05) Safe outdoor walks and Ela’s transformation
- (04:35) What divorce really means from a cat’s perspective
- (05:25) The lesson Ela taught: presence over answers
- (06:00) Closing question for listeners and sign-off
Thank you for listening.
And thank you for caring about cats the way you do.
Resources for Cat Parents
Everything I use and trust for my cats is here: https://diaryofacatmom.com/cat-care-resources/
Gentle Note
Diary of a Cat Mom is a personal storytelling and reflection podcast. Everything shared is based on my own life and experiences with my cats.
This podcast is created for connection, comfort, and companionship. This content is not veterinary advice and not meant to replace professional veterinary advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Every cat is unique. If you have concerns about your pet’s health or wellbeing, please contact your trusted veterinarian.
Most of all, please remember:
You’re not alone on this journey. We’re learning, loving, and growing together — one paw print at a time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Ela’s story based on a true experience?
Yes. Dagmar shares her firsthand experience of caring for Ela, a Maine Coon who she took in as a result of his previous owners’ divorce and Ela was the one left behind with the ex-husband.
Does the episode claim divorce directly caused Ela’s anxiety?
No. Dagmar doesn’t know exactly why Ela behaved the way he did as she met him. She only knows that his circumstances changed because of decisions the humans around him made, and she shares what she observed afterward.
What helped Ela stop trying to run away?
A combination of consistent care: regular brushing, reliable food and water, a safe indoor environment, the company of other cats, and supervised outdoor walks so he could still enjoy time outside without the risk of disappearing.
What’s the main message of this episode?
That pets going through a divorce or separation experience real disruption too, even though they can’t understand why and that patience and consistency can help them heal, even when their full history is unknown.
Conclusion
Ela’s story is a reminder that when relationships end, the animals who share our homes are living through the change right alongside us, without any explanation for why. Dagmar’s approach with Ela wasn’t about uncovering every detail of his past; it was about meeting the cat in front of her with patience, consistency, and care. If you’ve gone through a divorce or separation with cats in the picture, Dagmar would love to hear what happened with your pets, and whether you noticed the separation affecting them too.
Show Notes
- Who this episode is about: Ela, a huge orange Maine Coon who became part of Dagmar’s home after his previous owners divorced and he stayed with the ex-husband.
- The situation: Three cats were part of the marriage; the ex-wife could only take two, so Ela stayed behind with an ex-husband who wasn’t especially into cats.
- Early behavior: Highly anxious, constantly trying to bolt through doors and the porch screen, disappearing for days at a time before returning.
- What changed: Consistent brushing, fresh food and water, a safe indoor home, the company of other cats, and supervised outdoor walks.
- The turning point: Ela stopped running away and became one of the calmest cats in the house, eventually offering comfort to other cats who had lost their own mothers early in life.
- Dagmar’s caveat: She’s careful not to claim Ela’s anxiety was definitely caused by the divorce. She only knows his circumstances changed because of decisions made by the humans around him, and shares what she observed afterward.
- Episode takeaway: Pets don’t get a vote when relationships end, but patience, consistency, and safety can help them find their footing in a new home.
- Listener prompt: Have you gone through a divorce or separation with cats involved? Dagmar wants to hear what happened with your pets and whether you noticed the change affecting them.
Diary of a Cat Mom Host Bio
Dagmar Gatell is the voice behind Diary of a Cat Mom, a podcast about life with cats, the joyful, the messy, and the moments that make you see the world a little differently. Through her own experiences fostering, rescuing, and caring for cats like Ela, Dagmar shares honest reflections on cat behavior, emotional wellbeing, and what it really takes to help a cat feel safe. Each episode is part story, part gentle lesson, drawn from the real cats who’ve passed through her home and heart.
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Full Podcast Transcription – Divorce: What Happens to the Cat Left Behind?
Dagmar (00:01)
Divorce, what happens to the cat left behind? Welcome to Diary of a Cat Mom. I’ve been thinking about something lately and that’s what happens to our cats when people get divorced. Because we humans we understand what is happening even if it’s difficult and emotional, we know why somebody is moving out, why the house is changing, and why we’re suddenly living somewhere else. But our cats, they don’t know that. And I started thinking about this because of Ela, a cat I took care of. Ela came into my life because his owners were getting divorced.
I don’t know a lot about what his life was like before that. So I don’t want to make assumptions about what happened or how he felt. Only can tell you what I saw when I was introduced to him. Ela was living on a porch in the Florida heat.
His water bowl was moldy, his food bowl was pretty much empty except for a few pieces of dry cat kibble. And his long fur was totally matted. Ela was a huge main coon and so he had a lot of beautiful orange long fur that really needed to be taken care of. What I was told was that there were three cats in the marriage and his ex-wife could only take two cats with her. And Ela was the one of the cats she didn’t take. So Ela stayed with the ex-husband who wasn’t really into cats and was upset about the whole divorce situation.
And Ela started running away. He would break through the screen of the porch, disappear for a few days, come back for a few days, and then run away again. I don’t know why. Maybe he was looking for something, maybe he was just wanting to get it away. Maybe that just how his personality was, I really don’t know. But when I took Eli into my house I noticed immediately that he was a very anxious cat. He was always in this flight mode. I could barely open the front door without him trying to get out immediately. And whenever he did get through the front door, I thankfully could caught him immediately because I wasn’t going to let him disappear.
So I started taking care of him. Brushed him. I gave him good food. He had clean water, he had a home, and he had my other cats around him. And slowly he started changing. What I found really interesting is that Ela actually became almost like an emotional support cat for some of my other cats because some of my kitties they had lost their mom too early and they would go to Ela and knit his tummy with their paws. And Ela he just let do it. Here he was this huge orange beautiful Maine Coon lying there while these other kitties were just knitting his belly and finding comfort with him. And he was purring and they were purring too.
Later also started taking Ela outside for walks with me. So he still got to go outside but were doing it together so he could stay safe. And Ela became such a calm, peaceful and loving cat. And he didn’t run away anymore.
And after all that experience when I looked at him and thought how he was when I first met him, it makes me wonder what divorce and separation actually mean for our cats. I’m not saying that Ela behaved the way he did because of divorce. I don’t know that.
And I don’t know whether he was grieving the person who left or whether he was craving his old life at all. But I do know that his life changed because of decisions the human around him made and that’s really what I’ve been thinking about. When a couple separates, we’re making all these decisions. Who stays in the house, who moves out? Who takes what? And if they’re animals, who takes the animals? But from a cat’s perspective, their entire life might suddenly change. Maybe one of the humans is gone.
Maybe another cat they lived with is gone, and maybe they are moving into a completely different house. Their routines change, the smells around them change, the people around them change. And they don’t get a vote. With Ela, there were three cats and two went with the one person, Ela was the one left behind.
But what I love about Ela’s story is what happened afterwards. This cat who was constantly trying to run away eventually became one of the most peaceful cats in my house. And the cat who needed a home himself became a source of comfort for my other kitties.
I think Ela taught me that sometimes we don’t need to know everything that happened in a cat’s past. We might never know exactly what they are feeling and why are they behaving in a certain way. But what we can do is pay attention to the cat that’s in front of us.
Giving the kitty time, giving the kitty consistency, and giving the kitty good food and a safe environment. And help the kitty understand in the way that cats understand these things, that this is their new home and they are safe. It also made me think that when relationships end, maybe we need to think little bit more about the animals in our care who are going through the change with us too.
So that’s my question for you today. If you have gone through a divorce or separation and had cats together, what happened with your cats? And did you notice that the separation affected them too? I would love to hear more about your experience.
And thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Diary of a Cat Mom today. There’s always another story, another lesson, another little insight ready to be shared right around the corner. I will see you in my next entry. Bye.
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